Hospital tales

I can remember from a very young age staying over at Alder Hey hospital in Liverpool. I was possibly 3 or 4 at a guess. I am the youngest of 3 and so my mother could not stay over with me as she had the rest of the family to care for.  The memories I have are of playing with some of the other children, I remember a blonde haired little boy called Stephen doing a poo in his bed and we made a little song about it, so cheeky - Stephen's done a poo in his bed on a pillow. I was having tests as I had been diagnosed with Osteo Genesis Imperfecta as a young baby. I can also remember a girl saying I was going to have an operation, as that mainly happened to the children on the ward, and I remember feeling upset and scared and asking a nurse for reassurance as I didn't want to have an operation.

Mum had driven me over in her orange hatch back MG with me playing in the boot and my Godmother Auntie Toni as support navigator. The MG was great, it had a little ledge as a back seat that me, my sister and brother would all fit together on when mum dropped us off and picked us up doing the school run.  I always remember the steering wheel too as it was like a wheel with spokes and on these spokes were holes which went from large to small.   Needless to say as children we used to push our fingers through to fit the holes like rings to see if they fit but it was scary when the whole was snug and you thought you couldn't get your finger out again and you might be stuck forever.  As it turned out  my Auntie Toni wasn't the greatest navigator and when mum pulled over to ask a passer by from coming out of the tunnel where the children's hospital was, the woman said "oh isn't that in Liverpool?" We were in Birkenhead. Needless to say we found it in the end and  I spent a few days there all in the name of medicine.  Mum would always arrive like clockwork when I was having my pudding at lunch time. However, I remember her not arriving one day until much later on and the anxiety that she wasn't coming building up until I got really upset and inconsolable. She did arrive later after getting stuck in bad traffic. Poor mum. I used to hear her footsteps coming down the corridor as I was eating my pudding, normally with custard. The nurses said to her that particular day she was late as she entered the corridor to the ward "Do you hear that? That's your's".

We took Sebastian today for his first infusion of Zedronate for the same condition he has unfortunately inherited from me.  I so hoped he didn't have have it, especially being a boy, but help is at hand by having biphosphonate infusions which will help strengthen his bones. Thank goodness. We discovered earlier this year that his bone density was low, and there were signs of stress fractures to his spine to our horror. This happens from jumping about, which he does, lots, so with this evidence the doctor advised the next course of action. Poor Seb, it is as my GP said an invasion of their innocence for one so young to start experiencing hospital treatments. He had a blood test done first about a month ago which went fine as my GP said if done correctly. I was worried of different scenarios of upset but it all went smoothly and he is actually very brave. The worst part was inserting the cannula. The numbing cream hadn't quite numbed his hand enough as the sticky plaster covering it had over lunch time started peeling off at the edges. Needless to say he was very brave and managed to sit still on the bed for an hour.  There were of course a few times when the machine buzzed and statements such as "infusion blockage" and "air bubble" flashed up, from sudden sharp movements of the cannula hand but all to be expected. We will have to go to Alder Hey again in December for a repeat performance but without the overnight stay. This first time we went we treated it as an outing and my husband stayed the night with Sebs to comfort him & Tallulah & I stayed in a Premier Inn up the road. Sebs was discharged at 9.30am so we were able to go to the Albert Dock & have some fun seeing some well needed Art & Culture.

Walking down the corridor of the ward at Alder Hey was a very sobering experience.  I couldn't help but notice as I walked in and out that there were some really tiny babies in there as well as older infants and toddlers bedbound and in cots, all with different stories and conditions. We were so lucky if you can call it that, to just be visiting with something that can now have treatment and hopefully which will help for the future.

One of my greatest memories of hospital is when I broke my leg when I was 6 or 7 years old.  My  mother's cousin Roger and his wife and son came to visit and we children were playing in the garden. We were playing hide and seek and Damien, the son, was up a tree counting, I unfortunately was underneath when he jumped to break his fall and my left femur  at the same time. I can remember the adults picking me up in my broken agony putting me on a sun bed trying to take my jeans off;  then my mother carrying me to my father's car and rushing me to hospital. I was in hospital all summer in traction. It was a bad break as it was so high on my femur, the doctor did not not set my leg correctly. But they reassured my parents that I would probably break that leg again in the future, great, which I did, but that's another tale.

There was an older boy from the same village as me in the next bed on the ward, with ginger hair and a broken leg. I remember a girl called Belinda, who had a broken hip, a little boy who had awful burns on his front, and a little toddler girl called Sarah  in a cot. "Pink and warm" and "Good to all toes" were  just a couple of the observational comments written on my chart at the end of my bed.  The nurses were nice and would wheel us outside in our beds  as it was summer. The hospital food tasted horrible and I never liked it. Mum used to bring me food from home, and bed to bed letters  from my dad who was in hospital that summer with an aneurysm. My poor mother, she admitted to be smoking close to 2 packets of cigarettes a day due to the stress, but fortunately went on to become soon after a reformed non smoker. My dad grew a Grizzly Adams beard in hospital that summer and charmed the nurses to sneak him cigarettes. He never could quit smoking sadly.

Recently last Christmas I did a workshop at a local Art Gallery and the organiser said that  one of the father's of the boys attending recognised my name and asked of my physical description. It turned out it was Matthew Rhys the boy with the ginger hair who had had a broken leg.  
I briefly saw him when he came to pick his son up at the end of the workshop and I was sorry afterwards not to have his contact details. He stirred up memories as he produced a couple of photographs of us with the nurses sitting in our beds outside.  Being slightly older he had more memories to share and said "you never forget something like that" and he was absolutely right.  Matthew broke his leg being hit by a car, the trauma of that staying with him.  He remembered me, my mum bringing me cucumber sandwiches in which were my favourites, and it was the first time he ever tried them.  I remember him telling the joke about a man , all you can hear is him saying "going to get you, going to eat you" over and over, the punchline was the man was picking his nose.
It was the sort of joke my brother would tell.

Sew Vintage, superstitious, so long summer..

This summer has flown by. The early mornings have been so much more inviting with the sun streaming into the breakfast room when coming down on one's travels to make the first needed cup of tea of the day and cup of milk for the little fella.  Most often done bleary eyed, yawning and half asleep.  We all snuggle up in our big bed, Tallulah if awake would have her ready to drink milk, playing with my fingers as she drinks it down. Sebas, cuddling up with one hand twirling and whirling his hair, a habit he used to do with my hair as a wee babe. Opening the curtains of our 1930's house with a view reveals a scene that never ceases to make us smile. From sitting snuggled we can see across the river to the harbour, the quay, the castle, Conwy town and the mountains beyond.  Everyday of course the scene is slightly different.  The sky can be freshly laundered blue, white clouds maybe scudding along, the flags flying above the castle violently flapping or lying quite still indicating the wind or lack of.. The water sparkling, boats bobbing and dancing or again lying serenely if a still day.  More recently of course the curtains have opened to reveal grey low misty clouds, so low they obscure the mountains, blending in with the grey stone of the Castle and the choppy grey waters below.
 Sunsets are also beautiful from this aspect of the house.  Many evenings have seen the richly embroidered sage green curtains in our room a glow.  The sun's heat can be felt just touching the curtain.  Amber light sifting through the rich chinese tapestry pattern all a blaze, as our little baby drifts off to sleep. However Tallulah has finally moved into her own room now though and sleeps like a dream.  Next to our room she has the same view and the same light, the sun dipping down over where the estuary meets the sea causing the the mountains to turn violet.

The dining room/my sewing room once the littles are all tucked up.  This summer's sewing with England scoring in the World cup  this summer 2014...

This summer I got my sewing mojo back.  The long light evenings inspired me once Tallulah's sleeping at night finally settled down.  I was determined for my own sanity to make some creativity happen, even when tiredness prevailed, which it did a lot. I managed to squeeze the time in to start and carry through a few projects. Now that I have so many friends with little ones I am even more inspired to make for them when occasions arise, and of course my own 2 little ones.

I started with rag dolls.  Most of the little girls we know, which are a fair few, have a rag dolly now.  They are a timeless classic. The fact that they are soft, fabric, and all have a personality of their own from being hand made, makes them all more charming and unique unlike the manufactured plastic dolls. I might even get round to making different outfits for the dolls next, you never know..

Rag dolly upon completion all ready to be wrapped up
opened and loved..!

Rag dolly in the making..

Lady bird dress with Peter Pan collar
She got the bug ..

Strawberries and cream with Peter Pan collar
Summer Vintage 

Ahoy there Captain Sebas standing to attention..!

My own little Pirate Girl ready to swashbuckle..

Getting ready for Conwy Pirates with their very own Rag doll Captain Jack...

Tallulah in her Vintage style shorts and jacket made from a lovely retro print fabric I found in a closing down sale of a local fabric shop.  This was well worn in this summer's warmth.

Tallulah rocking her Vintage style shorts and jacket.

Tallulah with her nain (Welsh for grandmother) in the Vintage Christening gown I was Christened in.

Sebas in his Christening shirt.  He was full of energy on the day and 'flew' around the church as well as the garden with his homemade wings afterwards..

I had bought a vintage cotton Christening gown when pregnant last summer  (even though I didn't know what sex the baby was).  My mum then found the family Christening gown that I was christened in which is silk and lace and was lovely to use.  As it was a hot sunny July day, we got to use both gowns, I changed Tallulah into the cooler cotton one after the church, here she is with it hitched up into her nappy so it doesn't get in her way as she pulls herself up onto her feet!

Pin tucks for the Vintage shirt that I made for Sebastian for his Christening.  I ran out of time to finish the shirt properly so it became a tunic top and a unisex style that Tallulah can wear when she is older.

We decided to have the children Christened this summer.  It was just a family event with Godparents.  I wanted to have the children christened locally and there is a Chapel near us so one sunday in May I took Tallulah with me to a service.  It was a sweet methodist chapel, Tallulah slept for some of the service and then was on my knee cooing and jabbering.  The moment the service finished 2 well dressed ladies in front of me turned around with beaming smiles.  They were so delighted to see a baby in the congregation, and were very helpful.  I managed to get the phone number of the right Reverend to speak to.  Unfortunately though the dates just didn't work so it was back to plan b… but as it turned out plan b worked out for the best.  Across from the Chapel is the local primary school, further along from that is a public footpath that leads through a field along the foot of the Vadre, which is an old Roman fort on a hill with fantastic views of the Estuary and Sea.  All Saints Church is the other end of the footpath and stile and it was in this beautiful church we had the children christened.  It is such a beautiful church and I am really looking forward to taking the children there as a family especially at Christmas and other special events throughout the year.

 Finally have your children ever inadvertently beaten you up? I'm not normally that superstitious but they say things happen in threes…
One lovely bright sunny day day, I was just getting Tallulah ready after yet another nappy change when wham! She stuck one of her little hands with sharp finger nails in my right eye. Thus my eye was a weeping swollen mess. I couldn't open it half the time. Thinking that initially it wasn't that bad we set off anyway to have a jolly and took Sebs to a nearby beach with a mandatory takeaway of  coffee on the way.
Anyway it turned out I had quite a big scratch on the cornea of my eye a doctor at A & E informed me. Eye wateringly so as it happened, my eye was a weeping swollen mess and would not stop tearing up, it felt like there was a large obstruction in it.  The cornea is apparently the most sensitive part of the body. I got prescribed some special antibiotic ointment to put on it  and then a follow up clinic appointment. Things got even better at the weekend though when out and about with the family the next day (with my dark glasses on of course) during lunch I noticed a strange numb sensation in my bottom lip, I couldn't feel it.  I must have ingested some of the ointment from a tear rolling down to my mouth.  A quick look in the mirror showed my lip swelling up so we trotted off to the minor injuries unit at the local hospital and administered some antihistamine tablets from a kindly nurse.  Before seeing her though my darling son on his reins I was holding did a sudden movement and yanked my bad shoulder  (I broke very badly 15 years ago and have a metal replacement joint in). That made me wince to even move my arm away from my body. Anyway, an x-ray made sure everything was ok thank goodness and 3 months on I am seeing a fantastic physio who is helping me get my shoulder back to good working order by checking in with her every so often. All part of my joys of parenting list I'm starting to compile…

Mad March Hair

Our dining room is one of my favourite rooms in the house.  It overlooks the garden at the back and the Crettel design windows and door open out onto a paved area in front of the lawn. Since being here we have changed the windows and the door to double glazed units which making the room feel warmer and more secure. The old windows and door were very draughty and required quite a bit of maintenance.  They have the same style though, And we were determined that the room should keep it's elegant feel and proportions, the door has a very simple white strip pattern detail that has art deco echoes.

We viewed the house virtually a year  ago now (already) and George the old man who had previously lived here must have loved this room too.  He had an armchair facing the garden and his radio and speakers were set up in the windows,  I like to imagine him sitting having a cup of tea and listening to radio 4 whilst watching the blackbirds and squirrels in the garden. He was 96 and had lived here for years on his own having lost his wife 20 years prior. They had no children.  It was George's niece and husband who sold us the house. They were a nice couple, they had their gardener tend to the garden while it was on the market and right up until we exchanged contracts. I was sorry not to meet them as only Mark met them when he went to meet them with his father at the house one time. The house was pretty much set back in time with Axminster carpets in each room.  A rather dark red patterned carpet in the dining room with a thick dusty underlay got ripped out a few weeks after we moved in, revealing a dark oak boarded floor.

The Retro Axminster carpet that encompassed most of the floor of the house.

Being pregnant when we moved in, the carpets harboured so much dust that I couldn't wait to see them go.  The flowery carpet in the living room ran through the entrance hall and up the stairs to the top landing. Together with a thick underlay it was heaven for dust mites but hell unfortunately for us and me my allergies.  So we (or rather Mark) ripped up all the carpets room by room revealing oak and pine wooden flooring. All the carpets went to the tip apart from one gem that we kept from what is to be Tallulah's nursery. We think it is an authentic 1930's carpet that was the stairwell runner and had been stitched together. We aim to clean it up and restore it as a stairwell runner.

The gorgeous 1930's carpet in what will be the nursery.

Spring it feels has arrived.  The days gallop by in a blur of play groups, coffee and fighting tiredness even more so in the last couple of weeks.  Tallulah has been waking more frequently at night, Sebas went through the same phase at this age, it's soo tiring. Sleep regression, very common when breast feeding, they become more alert during the day and don't concentrate so much on feeds so they want more at night. I googled mumsnet to help get some sanity on the situation as it could drive me mad some nights when all I want to do is sleep. There were threads and threads of comments of women in the same boat with their little ones. Reading mumsnet, it appears everything is in code, I went to look at the acronyms and was particularly tickled with some of them especially SWI - Shagging with Intent (trying to conceive), NAK - Nursing at Keyboard ( which a lot of us do), JFGI - Just F**king Google It, LTB - Leave The Bastard, ODFOD - Oh Do F**k Off Dear (the Dear on the end tickled me) MMTI - Makes My Teeth Itch and PITA - Pain In The Arse. We are very lucky in this generation  to have everything at our fingertips. It was a different story for our mothers back in the 1970s.  It can be quite isolating and lonely when it's just you and your bab(ies).

 It reminds me of last Winter on the cusp of Spring, Sebas was going to sleep at a reasonable hour for a change so Mark and I got into viewing some boxsets. We tucked in Sex and the City, which say no more every girl loves and my other half was happy to go along with it as a lot of men do. It was the episode when Miranda first becomes a mum and is struggling with soothing her little one. She bumps into a neighbour who is rather cold with her, but the neighbour sees her struggling and lends her a vibrating chair which works wonders in soothing the little guy. They come to an understanding and the neighbour makes a comment "none of your girlfriends have babies do they? So basically you're f**ked". Never a truer statement though. Unless you know others who have "been there" noone else really has a clue unless they've experienced too.  Unless you have a friend or know someone else you can talk who has a baby then you are very much on your own. It's hard work at the best of times but when you don't have someone giving you little tips or suggestions then it's even harder, but then again maybe some don't know what they're missing..

I've managed to find somewhere to take the little ones every week day morning to get us out of the house and let the worker work in peace if at all possible... Most days we manage to get out at a reasonable hour and get to the required play group/church hall so Sebastian can get stuck into his favourite car and yellow hard hat. Both their personalities are really coming out now, and despite Sebastian being boisterous, they really do love each other. They really capture my heart and mind as I watch them grow and unfold before my eyes.
Today on a sunny Sunday, after a spontaneous visit from friends and once he had woken fresh from his nap we took him to the park.  He didn't play on anything but found the greatest delight from racing around, about under and to the side of all the different climbing frames, slide and seesaw, chasing his shadow. So simple and yet he had the greatest fun and we had the greatest fun with him, hysterical giggles as we took it in turns to run and chase with him …

I finally cut Sebas' hair this month too. It had to be done. One night in the bath I seized my moment and took off a good 3 inches and he looks better for it.  It felt like the little baby was properly gone and the little boy had properly arrived.  Of course I've kept the hair and the curls I cut, it may not ever be that baby blond again or have that innocent curl so I'll keep a lock of it to go in my locket.
I finally got my hair cut too. It made me wonder about hair and how intuitive it can make us feel.  Can we really lose a sense of perception or strength by cutting our hair, a myth of course from biblical Samson references, but does that have undertones of truth about it?

I did find an article about American indians and why they kept their hair long, basically because they could sense their enemy coming up behind them to attack them. It gave them a sixth sense of intuition and perception so maybe there is some weight in it...?

A new year, a new month & the promise of a new season...

Our new year started very understated, in fact around the chime of midnight, all I could hear in the background were fireworks as sleep enveloped me.  Mark gave Lulah some formula in a bottle which she took an ounce of (slightly cheating supplementing? I don't have any qualms about it this time as I need some sleep!) and I grabbed some well needed sleep to see off 2013.

What a year it was though.  We sold two houses, both to the first viewer.  Viewed, fell in love with and bought our beautiful 1930's project house.  To top it all off though, we made and met our lovely little Tallulah. Phew! It can't get more hectic than that, or can it? Well maybe it can especially with a terrible two year old in the house…

January has been and gone already.  When it gets to Epiphany around 12 days after Christmas, I'm always desperate to get  the decorations down, store them away and move on into the year.  The new year always fills me with a sense of hope, new beginnings, a fresh start which is very true in our case.  January can also be the most depressing month.  Post Christmas blues, long dark wintery nights.  It's easy to drag you down especially when you're not seeing much sunlight.  It can make all the difference.

Mr & Mrs Moon, The Oily Cart Theatre Company.

We beat the January blues towards the end of the month with a trip to the Theatre to see Mr & Mrs Moon by The Oily Cart Theatre Company at Clwyd Theatre Cymru in Mold (which also happens to be my work place).  It was absolutely delightful.  I now have the perfect excuse to go to their shows as I've always wanted to see them! They have been coming to Mold for many years now,  always sell out and always get the formula just right providing theatre for 2 - 5 year olds.  A group of us met for the 10.30am showing with our little ones.  We started off in a function room the other side of the art gallery space/corridor from the Studio Theatre, where the children were asked to take off their socks and shoes and were given a bucket and spade.  The actors came through and introduced themselves in character and we all followed them through to the studio theatre.  The children were led along a path with a beach theme to the set which was a circular sand pit in the centre.  The little ones all sat along the edge of the sand with their bucket and spade and were entranced by the characters singing and narrating a story to them.  Mrs Moon was an acrobatic lady suspended above where Sebas was sitting, when she uncurled and stretched her limbs from her sling, his little face along with all the others was absolutely entranced by it. It really engaged him which was an achievement in itself for such a busy little one!




Although being a Wardrobe person I couldn't help but wonder as I sat and watched about the maintenance of the costumes with all that sand…

It was a nice opportunity also to pop in and see my work colleagues who love a bit of baby worshipping and having a hold...

At the very end of January though disaster struck for us in that our little Sebas had an accident.  He fell down four steps on the stairs and ended up in plaster. Sebs had broken 2  little bones on the top of his foot connected to his toes resulting in a plaster cast up to his knee. Poor little man. He was in shock for a bit and very subdued.  That night when he woke later on he slept in bed with us for comfort and he promptly had a nose bleed in the middle of the night.  I thought I was dreaming when I saw dark splodges on the white pillows. Luckily a bar of vanish came in handy for soaking the stains...

Poor little thing although he was only subdued for a day. The following day he started crawling on his knees, the day after that he started to gingerly get on his feet despite us constantly telling him to sit down or get down.  It made me laugh to myself when someone asked if he had crutches. The doctor at the fracture clinic said that the beauty of children at this age and up to about the age of five was if something hurt them or caused them pain then they wouldn't use it.  So, having his foot encased in plaster protected it and supported it.  It obviously wasn't paining him too much to weight bear, although his little foot would swell up as he wasn't elevating it enough, so we had just the odd night where he would whimper in pain as it was aching from him over doing it.  Little children and babies'  bones heal very quickly though so in total he will be in plaster a total of four weeks hopefully rather than us adults who have six weeks.  It hasn't stopped him and if anything he is being more naughty and testing of us more than ever!
 He is lovely though and his language is coming on.  Favourite words are 'ank oo' (thank you) "help" mama, babba and dada as all he wants to do is help. Words are being strung together and he will copy us a lot.  My baby is growing up.  I took my other baby, Tallulah to Alderhey hospital in Liverpool recently on my own rather than bring Sebs too and have him get bored in the waiting areas as it is quite a long day with a lot of waiting around.  I only got slightly lost once near the hospital, I doubted myself and the directions I was following and pulled over to ask someone when I found out it was only 50 yards down the road! I told the doctor about Sebastian and she agreed with me in the fact that it was a positive sign that it was only a little fracture and not a clean break to his femur or Tibula and Fibula.  We go back ironically next month for a check up for him, but the doctor said in the future we could combine the two of them for appointments to save on time and the hassle of getting there.  Tallulah met the doctor and finished with a full Skeletal X-Ray, which turned out to be clear and the cranium plates on her head were clear too (signs of Osteo Genesis Imperfecta can be detected from the skull, Sebastian was clear too) so as you can imagine we were absolutely delighted.  On the whole she is doing well despite a blip with her weight and reflux/sickness which weirdly seemed to get worse a couple of weeks ago.  It was like having a bulimic baby, she was sick after every feed.  She is now on Gaviscon which is really helping and soothing her thank goodness so she can really thrive.

We seem to be busy every week with appointments for either the babies or us. Amidst this diabolical weather and it being the wettest winter for years, the days are flying by.  I don't get much time to do anything (let alone on my own!) bar washing, occasionally hoovering the house, cooking, feeding and changing nappies.  A treat for me is coffee out even if it's takeaway or from a drive through which is a Godsend when they're afternoon napping.  A friend tipped me off about Macdonald's drive through and how she used to take a Grazia or equivalent magazine as a treat and "me-time" for that precious time when not one but two are sleeping as they should be!

  I remember trying to wax my legs in between feeds with Sebas, I managed half of one leg before he indignantly demanded a feed (he must have been around 12 weeks old). I probably managed to wax the other half a week later .. My iPhone is quite a blessing as a source of apps/entertainment and  communication  when being chained to a feed although Sebs can hunt it out and is a little bit too good at swiping the screen and taking selfies.  Still we are having the odd day where the  sun breaks through and the promise of spring is just around the corner.  As I said to my neighbour this morning who came round for a coffee with her 8 week old baby Perl, there are pluses to having a baby in the autumn and winter months. You can get through the winter blues as you're so pre-occupied with your new-born, you don't really care what the weather is like.  By the time Spring makes an appearance your baby has grown, put on weight and all importantly sleeping well (fingers crossed) so you can start to feel human again rather than a walking foggy headed, caffeine addict.  So as you start (hopefully) to feel better in yourself, the world around you is budding and coming to life with a new season...

It was the night before, the night before Christmas....

This pregnancy and birth have made me feel so creative this time.  The only trouble being of course I just don't have the time (or energy sometimes) to do anything!  Five weeks in on a good night I can get  two and a half hours sleep in between feeds and of course nappy changes!  Still not one to moan, it's not forever and at least I'm managing to write a blog which helps keep me sane! Even if it's taking me at least a week to load photos and finish writing this!  And I'm not the only one, as a mum today in Waterstones cafe said she had the same thing with her daughter.  She happened to be on the next table to the four of us, I had got Tallulah out for a sleepy feed and Sebas was doing his usual - wanting to go and play up and down the stairs so Mark could barely get sips of his coffee poor thing.  We normally go when he's at nursery, it's just so much easier!
It's interesting how when you have a new born complete strangers stop and coo and chat in all circumstances from Tesco's to Doctor's Surgeries, Cafes, Art Galleries and just about anywhere!  People's reactions to a baby girl are different too, people are a lot softer when it comes to girls, men almost go to jelly when they see her! It must bring out a protective paternal gene in people.  Different to a boy, although I remember when Sebs was really really tiny, like 2 weeks old tiny, and we stopped off at John Lewis for a coffee, feed change etc, on our way back from Gobowen, and in the cafe queue, a woman really sweetly congratulated me, saying "you clever thing", which was so lovely coming from a complete stranger.  You don't realise how amazing and clever as a mother you are to have grown this perfect little being inside you for 9 months or so, but it is to be celebrated.  With everyone who I know who has a baby I always make a point of congratulating the mother and make her feel just as special, solidarity  I guess to the sisterhood, as without womankind where would we be?!
We have had near life stories from one lady on her way into Tesco's just before Christmas who stopped to admire Talu and told us all about her daughter. She was really interesting though and spoke words of wisdom in that her daughter was grown up and married but had chosen not to have children so sadly this lady would not be a grandparent. However she was saying how being active and into sports and activities had given her daughter such a full and enriched upbringing, there had been absolutely no interest of drugs or alcohol due to the friends and activities she did. What she was trying to say was it's all about getting in with the right crowd I suppose and that's all you want for your childen.  Anyway we have years before we have to worry about things like that. Now we have a daughter I wonder how 'girly' she will be ( I was quite a tomboy as a child) and when I first went to secondary school some of my class mates were scarily boy mad the age of 12,13,  I had barely finished playing with my Sindy dolls! I was big into music, when I was 12 it was Howard Jones, 13 - Aha, luckily the older I got the cooler (I think) it got - The The, The Smiths, The Cure etc!  We will have to put up with One Direction I guess now we have a girl, or the equivalent, in a few years when she starts getting into all that, I've warned Mark he may have to accompany her to concerts when they're older, or sooner in Emma (his daughter's) case as she is 6, but I have a feeling her mum would probably take her anyway...

Back to the festive period though, we were so excited of course to be in our new house and now with 2 children (or babies as they both are really) we decided to host Christmas at home. Yes, we are mad. But when it came down to it it wasn't too bad..  Mark did a big food shop the day before Christmas eve and then at 7.30am Christmas eve morning, he popped out to get our turkey from Edwards the butchers in Conwy and one of the best butchers in the area.

 Christmas cards on the other hand have fallen by the wayside, but under the circumstances it's the one year I hope we can be forgiven for not sending them. The power of social media can be a very handy tool in situations like this, I plan to put up a notice and a festive photo and wish one and all a Merry christmas as a sort of virtual Christmas card from us instead...

One of the lovely stained glass baubles.

So Christmas is looming large now, the big day is just 2 sleeps away!  We have a real Christmas tree in our entrance hall by the stairs which I am really excited about it and it looks just lovely in the space.  I love the smell of real Christmas trees.  We had one every year in the drawing room at Carreg y Groes and I can remember being really young  gazing at the fairy lights on the tree the colours reflecting on the baubles and the tinsel thinking how magical it looked.



 We treated ourselves to some new decorations and lights for the tree.  Wooden and fabric reindeers, glass baubles bought from "The Christmas Shop" in Conwy which is exactly what the shop is,  the main body of the shop specialising in Chocolate and the side annex and upstairs dedicated to Christmas decorations open only in the festive period.  Also on Conwy high street is the best toy shop "Yesteryears",  https://www.yesteryearstoyshop.co.uk  the owners are a really warm, friendly, helpful couple who started their business due to their passion for bespoke, quality, handcrafted, traditional toys rather than the plastic fantastic mass produced options.  We bought some lovely wooden skittles painted as soldiers for Sebas as part of his Christmas present.  Tallulah has got a beautifully crafted and painted wooden Russian Doll, that opens into five different dolls.  They both have something they can keep which is also collectable.

Tallulah's five piece Russian doll.

Two of Sebas' painted wooden soldier skittles.

Christmas family portrait 2013!

Our beautiful tree!

 
 Georgina from the toy shop also gave us a useful tip regarding the tree, to water it daily but to use lemonade which will help it to last longer.  Like bought cut flowers with their sachets (which are just sugar and water apparantly) they love their sugary carbs to keep them fresh.











Last weekend the run up to Christmas,  we had Emma, Mark's daughter over for the day on Sunday.  Emma loves making things and drawing and colouring in.  Great for me as I have someone to do creative things with and I like thinking up simple activities to keep her and Sebastian as he gets a bit better at concentrating on things, busy.   So this time I drew round, very quickly, one of the wooden reindeer decorations so they could become a garland when cut out, so the noses and mouths overlapped and the tails and back legs overlapped too.  I showed Emma how to do some snowflake marks in bright crayons that should show up on the black card we used and away she went.  They looked lovely, we cut them out and she took them home to her mum.  Sebs and I had a go a couple of days before, he had a scribble and a little go with some glitter which got everywhere! But I did manage to cut them out and stick them above the fireplace.

Wooden reindeer with reindeer stencils.

The reindeer garland with snowflakes that Emma did.

Making the garlands reminded me of something I tried with Emma a few weeks ago.  When we were little my mum got us into 'dressing dolls'.  Using paper, scissors, card and felt tips and colouring pencils I used to spend hours creating wardrobes for my doll.  I stumbled across these really brilliant and fun paper doll books by "I love Mel" which are exactly the same thing but all ready to cut out and they are famous characters, namely Kate Moss, Debbie Harry, as well as Lady Gaga and Beyonce.  There is also Adele and Kate Middleton! But I really liked the David Bowie one with the stage costumes too! Great as a fun Christmas present.  There are also Colouring in books of Cara Delevinge, model of the moment, and Lily Allen's album cover 'Alright Still' certainly for big kids just like me who like to draw/colour in!

Debbie Harry paper doll

Debbie Harry Paper Doll.

Debbie Harry Paper Doll.

Kare Moss Paper Doll.

Kate Moss Paper Doll.

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Agyness Deyn Paper Doll.

David Bowie Paper Doll Stage Costume Collection, fab!

Cara Delevinge Colour me good!

What's in a name?

Saint Sebastian painted by Peter Paul Rubens in 1614.    Style: Baroque

I've always loved the name Sebastian. It's a strong name.  The baby name books that we flicked through when deciding defined it as Greek in origin: "Majestic. Venerated. Lovely".  Sebastian is also a  third century saint's name.  Born in c. 256 he was an early Christian saint and martyr.  Commonly depicted in art and literature tied to a post or tree and shot with arrows, it is said that he was killed during the Roman emperor Diocletian's persecution of Christian's.  According to legend Saint Sebastian was rescued and healed by Irene of Rome after being shot by arrows.  But shortly afterwards he criticised Diocletian in person and as a result was clubbed to death in c. 288.  He is venerated in the Catholic and Orthodox Churches.  Saint Sebastian is a popular saint amongst soldiers and atheletes, commonly known as the "Patron Saint of Sports".

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1945 UK first edition hardback cover of Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh.

Sebastian is a name I liked growing up too.  Memories stem from watching the Granada production of "Brideshead Revisited" in the 1980's with Anthony Andrews as the charming but doomed and self destructive character battling alcholism, Lord Sebastian Flyte, with his teddy bear Aloyius.  Based on the novel by Evelyn Waugh we had every episode recorded on VHS video cassettes as my mother loved and still loves that production.

The 1980's series.

A more recent version condensed into a film saw Ben Whishaw who was notably in "The Hour", as the  character of Sebastian.  He did the role justice, and I did enjoy the film but the screenplay had been tweaked so it differed from the book and 1980's series.  Sebastian and Charles' friendship caused uproar amongst purists with a kiss instigated by Sebastian. Whereas the 1980's version was much more subtle, as was the book, with a hint of ambiguity surrounding their close friendship.

Shakespeare also used the name Sebastian in his play "Twelfth Night".  Not a play I am familiar with, I have never studied, read or seen the play but Sebastian is the missing brother to his twin sister Viola.

Other famous Sebastian's are of course Sebastian Vettel, and Sebastian Coe. Vettel is the current reigning formula one champion.  Vettel had totally escaped us when we chose the name, maybe there is a trend now for naming babies after racing drivers, but it is something we didn't intentionally think of!  At the playgroup we go to every wednesday morning there is a little boy the same age called Jenson.
Sebastian Coe  I remember clearly watching on the television with my dad.  As an athlete he competed with his rivals Steve Ovett and Steve Cram for victorious gold medals in the 1980's.  These days The Right Honourable Lord Coe is a  Conservative politician.

The band Belle and Sebastian prompted me to comment to Mark that if we had a girl maybe we should call her Belle …  However our neighbours to the left of us have a little boy a couple of months younger than Sebas called Seth and a dog called Bella so maybe not.  I had visions of calling "Belle" in from the garden from playing and next door's dog come running in also...

After seeing my aunt who lived in Spain when Sebas was only a few months old, she told us that the Spanish shorten Sebastian to Sebas highlighting the "a".  We really liked Sebas as a shortened version rather than the obvious Seb.  However we and everyone else still abbreviate to Seb too,  but people have picked up on Sebas and maybe in the future he will like to be called that too.

For middle names, Mark Peter were chosen after Sebastian's father and grandfathers.  My father's full name was Johannes Miguel Angelus, but contrary to that he was simply known as Petie to everyone! This came from when he was little he was called Jopito after Jopy his father, meaning "little Jopy".   from "Jo Pito" came Petie.  Mark's father's name is Peter, so Peter it was.  We later chose Johannes as a middle name for a boy if the next baby was to be a boy but it was not to be utilised obviously!

For a girl, Tallulah, was always the main contender.  We wanted a name again that was unusual, and we liked the rythymn of the syllables  Tal lu lah, which also goes well with Se bast i an. American Indian in origin, the definition is "Lively, leaping or running water". Spelt without the h on the end, Tallula, has a gaelic meaning that being "princess".  We personally like the American Indian definition.  I have never known any Tallulah's but always have liked the name.   A young thirteen year old Jodie Foster in the children's film Bugsy Malone made in 1976 always sticks in my head singing "My name is Tallulah". We chose Paz Rosita as middle names, both family names.  Paz is my middle name, Spanish for peace, the z is pronounced 'th' 'path'.  When my parents registered my birth they did not know the spelling of Paz and so on my birth certificate it is spelt Path!  Rosita is after my father's mother, Rosa.  Rosita is a deriative of her name, with the 'ita' on the end it means little rose.

 Tallulah Bankhead is probably the most famous namesake.  Outrageous,  outspoken, and uninhibited, she was a pretty racy character, known as much for her vices - cocaine, alcohol, hysterical tirades, and scandulous affairs with both men and women,  as she was for her winning performances on stage.  Born on 31st January 1902, her mother tragically died of Septicemia (blood poisoning) when she was 3 weeks old.  Tallulah was brought up by her paternal grandmother whom she was named after, Tallulah James Brockman Bankhead,  together with her elder sister Evelyn Eugenia.

Born into the powerful Bankhead-and-Brockman political family, active in the Democratic party in Alabama and the South.  Her father was the speaker  of the United States House of Representatives from 1936 to 1940.In 1917, a fifteen year old Bankhead boldly left her established Alabama political family and fled to New York City to fulfill her relentless need for attention and become a star.   Five years later she crossed the Atlantic, immediately finding her place as a fixture in British society and the most popular actress in London's West End.  By the time she returned to America in the 1930's, she was infamous for  throwing marathon parties, bedding her favourite costars and neglecting to keep her escapades secret from the press.  At times, her notoriety distracted her audience from her formidable talent and achievements on stage and dampened the critical response to her work.  As Bankhead herself put it, "they like me to 'Tallulah' you know - dance and sing and romp and fluff my hair and play reckless parts." In the 1950's she became an increasingly heavy smoker, smoking 150 cigarettes a day. She once tried to seduce Marlon Brando who was twenty years her junior, but he turned her down on account of her bad breath.  Still her reputation as a wild, witty over-the-top leading lady persisted until the end of her life at the age of sixty-six.

So both my children have names the same as flamboyant, fast living characters, one a fictional, charming yet self destructive drunkard.  The other an outrageous actress, I just hope the outrageous, promiscuous and self destructive traits  are not inherited from the names!

A biography & Autobiography by Joel Lobenthal of Tallulah Bankhead.

Tallulah in the early 1920's.

This footage features amongst others the actor also recognisable for  playing the lion in "The wizard of Oz" singing "I'll take Tallulah" from the 1942 film "Ship Ahoy".

"I'll Take Tallulah" from "Ship Ahoy" 1942.

Thursday's Child

35 weeks and 6 days pregnant in hospital.

Thursday 14th of November 2013 dawned wet and windy.  The scheduled day of my cesarean section.  Our baby's birthday, potentially.  To be honest I was half expecting it either not to be happening today or to have a long wait nil by mouth, snoozing on the bed. I had barely slept that night,  a couple of hours or so,  snoozing while waiting seemed an attractive option. What with trips to the loo which could always be tricky to drift off again after and a brain that kept whirring around I was waiting for the alarm to go off at 5.30am.  I had my black tea that I was allowed and then another zantac tablet to reduce the acid in my stomach in readiness for being 'unzipped'.

   We were all ready to leave by 7.20am, record time!  We dropped Sebs off at Mark's parents who regularly have him and he always has a lovely time with them.  Bang on 8am we arrived at the maternity unit and were ushered into the ward familiar from 2 years prior.  I was in a bed by the window and there was a gown there ready and pjs for Mark.   A lady I'd met at the pre-op the previous day whilst waiting in the queue for the loo to do a 'sample' got chatting. Her voice got higher and squeakier with excitement as I said I was planned for a section the next day "me too!"  I'd had a cesarean 2 years previously, "me too!!"  I don't know what I'm having, "me too!!!"  She seemed sweet and along with another girl who was having her first baby we were the three.  None of us had really slept.  As Mark went to the loo, 2 midwives came with pre op questions for me, when I asked what order we were going in she told me I was first. Wow.  It was happening now, no delays this time, it certainly made up for last time!  We got changed into our gear. No 'Catch me if you can' from Mark either by trying to assume the  identity of a consultant doctor.  A tip the character in the the film played by Leonardo Di Caprio picked up from watching Doctor Kildaire as research, "Do you concur?" As if.

 The doctor who was going to deliver the baby came and introduced himself, he shook my hand and spoke kindly  explaining about the delivery and all the SCBU backup in place.  Nerves were kicking in despite having been here before.  It wasn't for myself it was for my baby. Although the pregnancy had gone really well and despite being a bit creakier this time (and older) I don't think any expectant mother relaxes totally until they have their newborn safe & sound in their arms. After going to the loo yet again it was then time to walk through. We said our goodbyes, Mark had to sit outside and wait while they got me ready and administered the epidural.  I knew the drill as I sat on the edge of the trolley, the staff were all friendly and chatty, but I couldn't disguise the wave of apprehension and emotion I was feeling and it tumbled out. I blamed it on tiredness too.  One of the anaethetists it turns out has children at the school right by our house and he was telling me about a play group at the foot of the Orme in Llandudno where you can take your child and leave them for a couple of hours from the age of two. This was whilst they first of all sprayed my back with such a cold spray it took my breath away. They numbed where the needle went in and while I could still lift my legs got me to lie down. My feet and legs started to feel warm and heavy an odd sensation.  All the while another anaethetist kept asking how I was feeling. Waves of nausea washed over me and this time they got too strong and I was sick, all to do with the blood pressure dropping. The anaethetist was quick to insert something in the tube that was in the back of my hand to bring me back. It was an ongoing cycle. They brought Mark through and he was there by my side. He told me to think of all the favourite food I could eat as they began to prepare for the birth, to distract me more than anything.  Cold spray checks on my legs to check for numbness were slightly weird as I could feel the pressure of the spray on my legs and tummy and then coldness with the pressure by my chest.

It was a quiet, concentrated delivery, they asked Mark if he wanted to have a look at our baby being born.  He did and straightaway he was quick to tell me "It's a girl". A girl!! I still can't quite believe it now as I was convinced we would probably have a little brother for Sebas.  She cried just like her big brother "wah,wah,wah,wah, why did you have to get me out of my comfy bedwomb into this bright strange world?" She was and is perfect, 5lb 8oz at 9.53am. I felt elated, joyous and  then absolutely tired out.  My emotions had overwhelmed me earlier  like a big tidalwave. They checked her over. Perfect little fingers toes, straight feet and a head full of hair just like Sebas. A radio was playing in a room just off and we strained to listen, it was Robbie Williams "No Regrets"... Mark held her and we had photos, all the staff  were really sweet congratulating us and genuinely delighted for us.  As Mark brought her to me, he commented "she knows you" as I welcomed her and felt her warm little body wrapped in hospital towels next to me.  We named her straightaway Tallulah Paz Rosita.

It seemed to take longer putting me 'back together' this time, I felt so tired all of a sudden I closed my eyes and I could hear Mark showing concern, but the staff reassured me and him that the anaesthetic had a sedative in it which was probably making me a bit woozy.  As Mark held Tallulah in the recovery room she had her little hands to her mouth sucking and showing all the signs of wanting feeding so she knew what she wanted straightaway!  Feeding was no problem, she was a natural and for such a little thing has a very strong suction, quite pinching at first! But latching on became a lot easier this time and we are well established a week on.  In comparison with Sebastian, he was a hungry boy who wanted feeding all the time and I got terribly sore, enough to have me on the verge of tears. But I didn't give up and after 2 weeks we cracked it, I was determined I wanted to feed him myself and we got there.

Little dormouse.

The proud daddy stayed with us for a bit and then went to join Sebas at his mum & dad's. Together with my mum and her husband Jamie they all came back at 3pm and Mark was carrying Sebas. I had been worried that Sebas might get jealous if he first saw the new baby being fed by me, and as it turns out typically she decided she was due a feed when they all arrived. But I needn't have feared as he seemed really interested in seeing Tallulah and kept wanting to pat/stroke and kiss her, Tawuwah as he later called her when we were home.  A bottle of champagne was discreetly opened and we all toasted Tallulah, I sat back hooked up to a beeping machine attached by wires which ran to the intravenous needle in my hand and sipped my champagne, just half a glass you understand.  Again reminiscent of  two years previously when we had been toasting our first born son and heir!  Two sets of grandparents cooed over her and passed her round for cuddles and it was taken in turn to take Sebas for a little walk on his reins out of the ward as he got fidgety. The hour was soon up and everyone dispersed. Once my lot had gone and I shut my eyes.  I could hear crying "mummy, mummy, mummy" travelling out of the ward and getting more distant as it went down the corridor. I recognised the voice of the pre op lady as a midwife talked to her, "he didn't want to go did he Irene?" Irene's husband and 3 other children had been to visit and from the sounds of it her little boy didn't want to leave her..  Irene had had a baby boy, and a very hungry boy he was, he also wanted lots of cuddles. She called him Abraham.  I didn't see Irene and Abraham until Saturday afternoon, they wheeled her bed into the bay opposite me, she was on her feet and we congratulated each other, she'd lost a lot of blood and had had to have a blood transfusion.  Abraham had his daddy's features as all babies in my opinion do, a shock of black fluffy afro hair and his parents' complexion of  brown smooth shiny skin.  Tallulah looks very like Sebas did when he was born, loads of brown/dark blonde hair that when it catches the light has  a blonde sheen to it. She is tiny but perfectly formed, rosie in colour it seems apt that Rosita, a deriative of Rose in spanish and the name of my dad's mother, is one of her middle names.

That night very heavy and twitchy eyed I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.  The only food that had been offered that first day had been sandwiches which helped kept me going for a while but inevitably I just needed to sleep.  I woke with a start.  Disorientated I rang the bell, not knowing what time it was and panicking that I had missed feeds. The midwife came, I was still bed bound from the epidural, so the midwife had to pass Tallulah to me for a feed. It was 3am and I had fallen asleep about 1am after the last feed 3 hours ago. I really thought I had slept all night at first!  This was a pattern I would have to get used to again.  It was quite a shock to the system the first time round but this time round it seems easier and Tallulah seems a really good baby so far.  She feeds every 3 hours or so and then sleeps so I can get some rest in. Albeit in broken chunks though.

Mark came the next morning on his own, his mum again so fantastic had been happy to have Sebas so that Mark could have a little time with me and Tallulah.  I got out of bed and on my feet, it didn't feel so bad this time I was moving fairly easily considering and Mark accompanied me to the shower where I had a big dressing on my middle that I had to soak thoroughly and then peel off like something from an Egyptian mummy.  They had moved Tallulah and my belongings through to the next post natal ward when clean and refreshed I came back through.  I felt so much better for being up and on my feet.  Mark couldn't stop cuddling Tallulah, despite always saying he wanted another boy as a companion and playmate for Sebastian, he was and is absolutely smitten with his little girl.  He told me that last night Sebastian had been missing me which gave me a sudden lump in my throat! He had been calling "mamma, mamma", when reading bedtime stories as I would always read to him.  He went to sleep quite well but then during the night he shuffled through in his grobag and came round uncharacteristically to my side of the bed.  He normally stops at Mark's side nearest the door.  Mark let him sleep the rest of the night on the bed with him.  In the morning he was looking under the pillow for me...   We decided it would be good to bring him that afternoon to visit to see me again and then he might understand that I wouldn't be coming home that night either.

The magazine may nearly be bigger than her but she's already got her eye on it.
One week old.

As it turns out I was discharged the following day, the saturday, and it was a relief to be going home. It was late afternoon by the time everything was sorted, medication, rattling with pain killers, and notes for the midwife. Sebas and Mark did a couple of trips with bags to the car to kill time and to keep Sebas amused while the paperwork got sorted.  It was a beautiful, clear, starry night, the moon was high in the sky and waxing up to be full the next night.  The hospital was empty and ghostlike as we walked through, normally bustling and full of people, corridors were empty bar the very odd visitor.  We went straight home and got back in good time to give Sebastian his tea and have something ourselves.  Last time we had family all so excited to meet Sebas, it was tricky but we decided in the end to visit Mark's parents where a lot were congregated, it meant we could have that first weekend to ourselves. It backfired though and we therefore didn't get home until nearly 8pm, and had a most unsettled and exhausting first night, poor little Sebas.  Determined not to go through that again we came straight home and little Tallulah was so placid and chilled in settling in in comparison.


The midwife who had visited us at home last time had told Mark off for not bringing us straight home from the hospital.  She had come early the next morning which was cold clear and frosty and was quite serious. She could see how tired I was and warned that I needed to rest as much as I could.  Kay was her name and she visited us again this week when Tallulah was a week old. She apologised when I recounted the last time we met, but she had been absolutely right.  Up in the bay window of our sunny bedroom our little baby girl lay peacefully in her moses basket with a backdrop of the river, Conwy and the Snowdonia mountain range in the background.  The glorious sunshine turned out to be the best spot for her as she was slightly yellow in her first week.  Her weight had dropped down to 5lbs1oz that first sunday, perfectly normal, we were home when Sharon my practice midwife came for the first visit.  When Kay came later in the week and did the heel prick, Tallulah's weight was creeping up and by friday when Sharon came again she was 5lb4oz.  Sharon has now discharged me.  Happy with everything we will speak this week and then Sue the health visitor will start to visit and we will get a red book which will chart Tallulah's growth and development.  Thursday's child has far to go.

Baby worshipping.

Sebastian, Mark & Tallulah (or Tawuwah)