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| 35 weeks and 6 days pregnant in hospital. |
Thursday 14th of November 2013 dawned wet and windy. The scheduled day of my cesarean section. Our baby's birthday, potentially. To be honest I was half expecting it either not to be happening today or to have a long wait nil by mouth, snoozing on the bed. I had barely slept that night, a couple of hours or so, snoozing while waiting seemed an attractive option. What with trips to the loo which could always be tricky to drift off again after and a brain that kept whirring around I was waiting for the alarm to go off at 5.30am. I had my black tea that I was allowed and then another zantac tablet to reduce the acid in my stomach in readiness for being 'unzipped'.
We were all ready to leave by 7.20am, record time! We dropped Sebs off at Mark's parents who regularly have him and he always has a lovely time with them. Bang on 8am we arrived at the maternity unit and were ushered into the ward familiar from 2 years prior. I was in a bed by the window and there was a gown there ready and pjs for Mark. A lady I'd met at the pre-op the previous day whilst waiting in the queue for the loo to do a 'sample' got chatting. Her voice got higher and squeakier with excitement as I said I was planned for a section the next day "me too!" I'd had a cesarean 2 years previously, "me too!!" I don't know what I'm having, "me too!!!" She seemed sweet and along with another girl who was having her first baby we were the three. None of us had really slept. As Mark went to the loo, 2 midwives came with pre op questions for me, when I asked what order we were going in she told me I was first. Wow. It was happening now, no delays this time, it certainly made up for last time! We got changed into our gear. No 'Catch me if you can' from Mark either by trying to assume the identity of a consultant doctor. A tip the character in the the film played by Leonardo Di Caprio picked up from watching Doctor Kildaire as research, "Do you concur?" As if.
The doctor who was going to deliver the baby came and introduced himself, he shook my hand and spoke kindly explaining about the delivery and all the SCBU backup in place. Nerves were kicking in despite having been here before. It wasn't for myself it was for my baby. Although the pregnancy had gone really well and despite being a bit creakier this time (and older) I don't think any expectant mother relaxes totally until they have their newborn safe & sound in their arms. After going to the loo yet again it was then time to walk through. We said our goodbyes, Mark had to sit outside and wait while they got me ready and administered the epidural. I knew the drill as I sat on the edge of the trolley, the staff were all friendly and chatty, but I couldn't disguise the wave of apprehension and emotion I was feeling and it tumbled out. I blamed it on tiredness too. One of the anaethetists it turns out has children at the school right by our house and he was telling me about a play group at the foot of the Orme in Llandudno where you can take your child and leave them for a couple of hours from the age of two. This was whilst they first of all sprayed my back with such a cold spray it took my breath away. They numbed where the needle went in and while I could still lift my legs got me to lie down. My feet and legs started to feel warm and heavy an odd sensation. All the while another anaethetist kept asking how I was feeling. Waves of nausea washed over me and this time they got too strong and I was sick, all to do with the blood pressure dropping. The anaethetist was quick to insert something in the tube that was in the back of my hand to bring me back. It was an ongoing cycle. They brought Mark through and he was there by my side. He told me to think of all the favourite food I could eat as they began to prepare for the birth, to distract me more than anything. Cold spray checks on my legs to check for numbness were slightly weird as I could feel the pressure of the spray on my legs and tummy and then coldness with the pressure by my chest.
It was a quiet, concentrated delivery, they asked Mark if he wanted to have a look at our baby being born. He did and straightaway he was quick to tell me "It's a girl". A girl!! I still can't quite believe it now as I was convinced we would probably have a little brother for Sebas. She cried just like her big brother "wah,wah,wah,wah, why did you have to get me out of my comfy bedwomb into this bright strange world?" She was and is perfect, 5lb 8oz at 9.53am. I felt elated, joyous and then absolutely tired out. My emotions had overwhelmed me earlier like a big tidalwave. They checked her over. Perfect little fingers toes, straight feet and a head full of hair just like Sebas. A radio was playing in a room just off and we strained to listen, it was Robbie Williams "No Regrets"... Mark held her and we had photos, all the staff were really sweet congratulating us and genuinely delighted for us. As Mark brought her to me, he commented "she knows you" as I welcomed her and felt her warm little body wrapped in hospital towels next to me. We named her straightaway Tallulah Paz Rosita.
It seemed to take longer putting me 'back together' this time, I felt so tired all of a sudden I closed my eyes and I could hear Mark showing concern, but the staff reassured me and him that the anaesthetic had a sedative in it which was probably making me a bit woozy. As Mark held Tallulah in the recovery room she had her little hands to her mouth sucking and showing all the signs of wanting feeding so she knew what she wanted straightaway! Feeding was no problem, she was a natural and for such a little thing has a very strong suction, quite pinching at first! But latching on became a lot easier this time and we are well established a week on. In comparison with Sebastian, he was a hungry boy who wanted feeding all the time and I got terribly sore, enough to have me on the verge of tears. But I didn't give up and after 2 weeks we cracked it, I was determined I wanted to feed him myself and we got there.
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| Little dormouse. |
The proud daddy stayed with us for a bit and then went to join Sebas at his mum & dad's. Together with my mum and her husband Jamie they all came back at 3pm and Mark was carrying Sebas. I had been worried that Sebas might get jealous if he first saw the new baby being fed by me, and as it turns out typically she decided she was due a feed when they all arrived. But I needn't have feared as he seemed really interested in seeing Tallulah and kept wanting to pat/stroke and kiss her, Tawuwah as he later called her when we were home. A bottle of champagne was discreetly opened and we all toasted Tallulah, I sat back hooked up to a beeping machine attached by wires which ran to the intravenous needle in my hand and sipped my champagne, just half a glass you understand. Again reminiscent of two years previously when we had been toasting our first born son and heir! Two sets of grandparents cooed over her and passed her round for cuddles and it was taken in turn to take Sebas for a little walk on his reins out of the ward as he got fidgety. The hour was soon up and everyone dispersed. Once my lot had gone and I shut my eyes. I could hear crying "mummy, mummy, mummy" travelling out of the ward and getting more distant as it went down the corridor. I recognised the voice of the pre op lady as a midwife talked to her, "he didn't want to go did he Irene?" Irene's husband and 3 other children had been to visit and from the sounds of it her little boy didn't want to leave her.. Irene had had a baby boy, and a very hungry boy he was, he also wanted lots of cuddles. She called him Abraham. I didn't see Irene and Abraham until Saturday afternoon, they wheeled her bed into the bay opposite me, she was on her feet and we congratulated each other, she'd lost a lot of blood and had had to have a blood transfusion. Abraham had his daddy's features as all babies in my opinion do, a shock of black fluffy afro hair and his parents' complexion of brown smooth shiny skin. Tallulah looks very like Sebas did when he was born, loads of brown/dark blonde hair that when it catches the light has a blonde sheen to it. She is tiny but perfectly formed, rosie in colour it seems apt that Rosita, a deriative of Rose in spanish and the name of my dad's mother, is one of her middle names.
That night very heavy and twitchy eyed I fell into a deep dreamless sleep. The only food that had been offered that first day had been sandwiches which helped kept me going for a while but inevitably I just needed to sleep. I woke with a start. Disorientated I rang the bell, not knowing what time it was and panicking that I had missed feeds. The midwife came, I was still bed bound from the epidural, so the midwife had to pass Tallulah to me for a feed. It was 3am and I had fallen asleep about 1am after the last feed 3 hours ago. I really thought I had slept all night at first! This was a pattern I would have to get used to again. It was quite a shock to the system the first time round but this time round it seems easier and Tallulah seems a really good baby so far. She feeds every 3 hours or so and then sleeps so I can get some rest in. Albeit in broken chunks though.
Mark came the next morning on his own, his mum again so fantastic had been happy to have Sebas so that Mark could have a little time with me and Tallulah. I got out of bed and on my feet, it didn't feel so bad this time I was moving fairly easily considering and Mark accompanied me to the shower where I had a big dressing on my middle that I had to soak thoroughly and then peel off like something from an Egyptian mummy. They had moved Tallulah and my belongings through to the next post natal ward when clean and refreshed I came back through. I felt so much better for being up and on my feet. Mark couldn't stop cuddling Tallulah, despite always saying he wanted another boy as a companion and playmate for Sebastian, he was and is absolutely smitten with his little girl. He told me that last night Sebastian had been missing me which gave me a sudden lump in my throat! He had been calling "mamma, mamma", when reading bedtime stories as I would always read to him. He went to sleep quite well but then during the night he shuffled through in his grobag and came round uncharacteristically to my side of the bed. He normally stops at Mark's side nearest the door. Mark let him sleep the rest of the night on the bed with him. In the morning he was looking under the pillow for me... We decided it would be good to bring him that afternoon to visit to see me again and then he might understand that I wouldn't be coming home that night either.
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| The magazine may nearly be bigger than her but she's already got her eye on it. One week old. |
The midwife who had visited us at home last time had told Mark off for not bringing us straight home from the hospital. She had come early the next morning which was cold clear and frosty and was quite serious. She could see how tired I was and warned that I needed to rest as much as I could. Kay was her name and she visited us again this week when Tallulah was a week old. She apologised when I recounted the last time we met, but she had been absolutely right. Up in the bay window of our sunny bedroom our little baby girl lay peacefully in her moses basket with a backdrop of the river, Conwy and the Snowdonia mountain range in the background. The glorious sunshine turned out to be the best spot for her as she was slightly yellow in her first week. Her weight had dropped down to 5lbs1oz that first sunday, perfectly normal, we were home when Sharon my practice midwife came for the first visit. When Kay came later in the week and did the heel prick, Tallulah's weight was creeping up and by friday when Sharon came again she was 5lb4oz. Sharon has now discharged me. Happy with everything we will speak this week and then Sue the health visitor will start to visit and we will get a red book which will chart Tallulah's growth and development. Thursday's child has far to go.
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| Baby worshipping. |
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| Sebastian, Mark & Tallulah (or Tawuwah) |
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